“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” — Oscar Wilde.
Coming out is a deeply personal journey, with each individual navigating their own unique path. Some may feel compelled to reveal their true selves, while others may take their time to become comfortable and ready. Unfortunately, there are those who may never experience this transformative moment. Although the LGBTQ+ community has secured the right to marry the person they love, they have no control over how their loved ones or colleagues will react to their coming out. It should be a joyous occasion to embrace one’s authentic self, but the responses can vary greatly depending on one’s upbringing and geographic location. In my case, I found the courage to come out to my mother when I was 26 years old, while still serving in the Army under the discriminatory policy known as Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. After living for 31 years trapped in a self-constructed lie, conforming to societal expectations and suppressing my true identity, I had grown weary. It was time for me to break free and embrace who I truly was.
Embracing one’s true self requires courage, but the rewards are immense. As Oscar Wilde famously said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” There is a liberating feeling that comes with confidently declaring your true identity. However, it’s important to recognize that every individual’s journey is unique. Some may feel compelled to reveal their true selves, while others may take their time to prepare. Unfortunately, not everyone will respond positively, but don’t let that discourage you from embracing your authentic self. The most crucial thing is to honor your truth and live genuinely. Remember, you deserve to be true to yourself. So, to those struggling to come out, know that you are not alone, and it is perfectly acceptable to be who you truly are. Stand tall and declare, without fear, “I am no longer afraid to be myself!”
Throughout my upbringing, I always felt like an outsider. And even after revealing my true self more than a decade ago, certain family members continue to voice the same old sentiment: “I love you, but I disapprove of your chosen lifestyle.” Yet here’s the essential truth: if your love for someone is genuine, it should encompass who they are, not who you desire them to be. Parenthood is a deliberate decision we make, a commitment to love our children unconditionally. Though it isn’t always effortless, it remains our most significant responsibility as parents. Regrettably, not everyone comprehends this reality, manifested by my father’s absence at my wedding. However, I hold onto the knowledge that I am genuinely loved, and ultimately, that is what truly matters.
Throughout my childhood, I always felt like I didn’t quite fit the expected mold. Deep down, I knew I was different from everybody else, but expressing that uniqueness was a challenge. Joining the military seemed like a possible escape from these feelings, a way to focus on my duty. However, even within the confines of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” I couldn’t fully be true to myself. It wasn’t until my medical retirement in my thirties that I found the courage to embrace my authentic self. It’s important to remember that it’s never too late to honor your true identity. Breaking free from the expectations placed upon us by others is indeed a challenge, but the rewards of living an authentic life make it unquestionably worthwhile.
Embracing oneself can be a beautiful experience, even though stereotypes can impose limitations. I take pride in finally accepting my true identity and living life on my own terms. As a gay individual who felt like an outsider during my upbringing, the song “Not My Father’s Son” from the Kinky Boots musical resonates deeply with me. It can be tough when one doesn’t quite fit in with their family, friends, or colleagues. I distinctly recall feeling powerless due to my true self, which became a source of fear for my father. In contrast to my brother, a successful wrestler who achieved State Championships and attended West Point, I possessed no interest in sports. I constantly felt inferior to him, and the fear of disappointing my father loomed over me. However, I firmly believe in the importance of unconditional love and accepting our children for who they are, rather than who we wish them to be. Although it may not always be effortless, this is our foremost responsibility as parents. Despite my father’s absence at my wedding, I am aware of being loved, which ultimately holds the greatest significance.
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